Found a new internet cafe
That's cheaper and has nicer computers, but all of the websites insist on displaying in some language that looks like German. Thankfully, I can sorta get my way through in order to do what I need to do with little heartache.
Well, your thoughts and prayers and support are so wonderful to me. The biggest news right now for me is that I have been telling Rev. Samuels about my problems living with Mrs. Francis, and this weekend it came to a head. He met with Mr. & Mrs. Francis and myself on Saturday night and it was determined that I would move. It was actually quite a painful discussion because everything I brought up, every hardship I feel I've suffered under her, she denied. The gist of the conversation was that Mrs. Francis was all right and I was all wrong. I don't know if the Reverend feels that way, but certainly Mrs. Francis would not give up on how awful I am and how lucky I am that she and her husband have taken me in. So, if she legitimately liked me before (which I find very hard to believe - some of her actions may be cultural, but she has only been living here for the last 8 months, coming from the US, and I sincerely believe that she has a problem in letting people be who they are and not be her). Anyway, if she sincerely liked me before, she certainly does not like me now and will not speak to me. This morning I asked her (innocently, as a means to try to make peaceful conversation) if she and her husband went to the nursing home on Sunday afternoon (Krista and I had a dinner engagement and couldn't go this week), and she snapped back in reply, "Don't question me, Jennifer." So...the times that I have felt crazy or petty for my experiences this past month in her house, I feel a little bit more validated in what I have been feeling/experiencing because of how she even continues to treat me, even though we were asked to part peacefully. She clearly cannot forgive me and she clearly cannot be around in my presence. That, to me, is very, very sad.
Anyhow, I do not know when or where I am moving, but I am content enough at this point to know that I am moving. I do have anxiety about moving (especially because I heard her calling someone this morning when I was having breakfast and complaining to them about how I am a horrible person), but at least I feel some semblance of hope. I have some bit of faith that it can get better. At the end of last week, I begun crying daily again because of my homesickness (had a horrible episode where I was listening to "Ventura Highway" by America on Tyler's iPod, where I became so homesick, so overwashed with sadness/hopelessness/depression/oppression, that I could not stand), but I was thinking on Saturday night, recalling the conversation to settle the contentions between Mrs. Francis and myself, I was thinking that perhaps the reason, or part of the reason that I am so incredibly homesick is because all this time I have not been able to feel at home. I dread going back to my Jamaican home, I dread meals, I don't feel like I can use any electricity or wash any of my clothes because I am constantly told about how expensive everything is, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells whenever I am home and I feel that I do not have space to be myself. So, maybe the reason why I am homesick is because I don't even have a place of refuge here to call home. Hopefully this transition into a new home will be what I need in order to feel like I can actually be here.
This past week we had our normal duties - visitation, Bible study, etc., but the special thing is that one of the churches was having its yearly Harvest Supper, a time for the churches and community to come together for a meal and entertainment in order to raise money for the church that they are trying to build. At the Harvest Supper, I attempted to learn how to play dominoes (a very common Jamaican pasttime), but the old men who said they'd teach me did anything but. I also had curried goat as one of my meat selections at the Harvest Supper and it was delicious.
The big thing is that yesterday and today have actually been pretty good days. Perhaps the first good days I've experienced here in Jamaica. Sunday was my preaching debut at Boscobel United Church. There was a part of the service where they were handing a check to Habitat for Humanity for $2 million Jamaican dollars, so they had TVJ (which is the Jamaican TV channel) there filming it, and a representative of RJR News (Real Jamaican Radio - motto is "concise, yet complete") there to record the whole service. So on my preaching debut, I was "professionally" recorded, but I don't think the service will make it to broadcast. But, I guess there always is that potential. I preached on Genesis 22, the binding of Isaac, and when I practiced my sermon, I think it was about 12 minutes long, at the most 15. Well, I think when I actually delivered it, I spoke much faster than I should have. I don't know how long it actually was, but I am almost certain it was shorter than my practicing. The nice thing is that when I was writing the sermon this past week, I found I enjoyed the experience. So, I thought, maybe I will not like preaching it and getting up in front of people, but, actually, half way through the sermon I thought to myself, "This isn't so bad..." One thing, though, is that the worst part of a service to me, now that I am in ministerial shoes, is to stand at the back, shaking people's hands as they leave. I usually avoid this when I'm at church back home because I think it is awkward, but, now as the minister, I have to do it. It is not only awkward, but you get people telling you whatever they want to tell you (about you, about your sermon, etc.). Most people are nice, but then there are people who really take the vulnerability of this position and use it to tell somewhat mean things. I guess I shouldn't take it personally.
I preach again next week, but do not yet know what I will preach on, and then I will have a break in preaching (will do regular worship leading instead) until August 14th or so. After the service, I went over and had lunch with Krista at Miss Davis' sister Jennifer's house. It was just Krista and I and her and her sister for the lunch and it was so nice and wonderful. These ladies are very strong and nice and accepting, and for the first time, I got a feel that they genuinely liked having us there. So, that was really nice to spend the afternoon there.
Today, on our day off, Krista and I climbed Dunn's River Falls, which is this waterfall that flows into the ocean. Do a google search to look at pictures. It was a lot of fun, but also somewhat challenging in places. I liked it very much, but Krista thought it was too touristy.
Anyhow, I guess I should get going now. I'm trying to count the number of different species of mangoes I've eaten here so far. I am positive that I have eaten at least 5 different kinds, but I hear there are countless more.
Please keep praying for me. I hope that by the time I return next week, I can offer up a very positive entry, but we'll see. Right now, I am just thankful that I've had two good days in Jamaica.
Well, your thoughts and prayers and support are so wonderful to me. The biggest news right now for me is that I have been telling Rev. Samuels about my problems living with Mrs. Francis, and this weekend it came to a head. He met with Mr. & Mrs. Francis and myself on Saturday night and it was determined that I would move. It was actually quite a painful discussion because everything I brought up, every hardship I feel I've suffered under her, she denied. The gist of the conversation was that Mrs. Francis was all right and I was all wrong. I don't know if the Reverend feels that way, but certainly Mrs. Francis would not give up on how awful I am and how lucky I am that she and her husband have taken me in. So, if she legitimately liked me before (which I find very hard to believe - some of her actions may be cultural, but she has only been living here for the last 8 months, coming from the US, and I sincerely believe that she has a problem in letting people be who they are and not be her). Anyway, if she sincerely liked me before, she certainly does not like me now and will not speak to me. This morning I asked her (innocently, as a means to try to make peaceful conversation) if she and her husband went to the nursing home on Sunday afternoon (Krista and I had a dinner engagement and couldn't go this week), and she snapped back in reply, "Don't question me, Jennifer." So...the times that I have felt crazy or petty for my experiences this past month in her house, I feel a little bit more validated in what I have been feeling/experiencing because of how she even continues to treat me, even though we were asked to part peacefully. She clearly cannot forgive me and she clearly cannot be around in my presence. That, to me, is very, very sad.
Anyhow, I do not know when or where I am moving, but I am content enough at this point to know that I am moving. I do have anxiety about moving (especially because I heard her calling someone this morning when I was having breakfast and complaining to them about how I am a horrible person), but at least I feel some semblance of hope. I have some bit of faith that it can get better. At the end of last week, I begun crying daily again because of my homesickness (had a horrible episode where I was listening to "Ventura Highway" by America on Tyler's iPod, where I became so homesick, so overwashed with sadness/hopelessness/depression/oppression, that I could not stand), but I was thinking on Saturday night, recalling the conversation to settle the contentions between Mrs. Francis and myself, I was thinking that perhaps the reason, or part of the reason that I am so incredibly homesick is because all this time I have not been able to feel at home. I dread going back to my Jamaican home, I dread meals, I don't feel like I can use any electricity or wash any of my clothes because I am constantly told about how expensive everything is, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells whenever I am home and I feel that I do not have space to be myself. So, maybe the reason why I am homesick is because I don't even have a place of refuge here to call home. Hopefully this transition into a new home will be what I need in order to feel like I can actually be here.
This past week we had our normal duties - visitation, Bible study, etc., but the special thing is that one of the churches was having its yearly Harvest Supper, a time for the churches and community to come together for a meal and entertainment in order to raise money for the church that they are trying to build. At the Harvest Supper, I attempted to learn how to play dominoes (a very common Jamaican pasttime), but the old men who said they'd teach me did anything but. I also had curried goat as one of my meat selections at the Harvest Supper and it was delicious.
The big thing is that yesterday and today have actually been pretty good days. Perhaps the first good days I've experienced here in Jamaica. Sunday was my preaching debut at Boscobel United Church. There was a part of the service where they were handing a check to Habitat for Humanity for $2 million Jamaican dollars, so they had TVJ (which is the Jamaican TV channel) there filming it, and a representative of RJR News (Real Jamaican Radio - motto is "concise, yet complete") there to record the whole service. So on my preaching debut, I was "professionally" recorded, but I don't think the service will make it to broadcast. But, I guess there always is that potential. I preached on Genesis 22, the binding of Isaac, and when I practiced my sermon, I think it was about 12 minutes long, at the most 15. Well, I think when I actually delivered it, I spoke much faster than I should have. I don't know how long it actually was, but I am almost certain it was shorter than my practicing. The nice thing is that when I was writing the sermon this past week, I found I enjoyed the experience. So, I thought, maybe I will not like preaching it and getting up in front of people, but, actually, half way through the sermon I thought to myself, "This isn't so bad..." One thing, though, is that the worst part of a service to me, now that I am in ministerial shoes, is to stand at the back, shaking people's hands as they leave. I usually avoid this when I'm at church back home because I think it is awkward, but, now as the minister, I have to do it. It is not only awkward, but you get people telling you whatever they want to tell you (about you, about your sermon, etc.). Most people are nice, but then there are people who really take the vulnerability of this position and use it to tell somewhat mean things. I guess I shouldn't take it personally.
I preach again next week, but do not yet know what I will preach on, and then I will have a break in preaching (will do regular worship leading instead) until August 14th or so. After the service, I went over and had lunch with Krista at Miss Davis' sister Jennifer's house. It was just Krista and I and her and her sister for the lunch and it was so nice and wonderful. These ladies are very strong and nice and accepting, and for the first time, I got a feel that they genuinely liked having us there. So, that was really nice to spend the afternoon there.
Today, on our day off, Krista and I climbed Dunn's River Falls, which is this waterfall that flows into the ocean. Do a google search to look at pictures. It was a lot of fun, but also somewhat challenging in places. I liked it very much, but Krista thought it was too touristy.
Anyhow, I guess I should get going now. I'm trying to count the number of different species of mangoes I've eaten here so far. I am positive that I have eaten at least 5 different kinds, but I hear there are countless more.
Please keep praying for me. I hope that by the time I return next week, I can offer up a very positive entry, but we'll see. Right now, I am just thankful that I've had two good days in Jamaica.